Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
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She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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