somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
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It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
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She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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