I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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