That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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