Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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