Buhtt sex?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Four minutes until I can fart!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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