Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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