I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize