in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize