Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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