someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
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I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
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Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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