oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize