hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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