are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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