mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize