When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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