I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
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just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
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He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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