Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize