he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
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Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
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No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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