I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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