You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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