what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
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I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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