Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
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I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
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The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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