Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize