ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize