my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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