i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
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I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
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I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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