lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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