2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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