he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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