Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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