At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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