we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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