the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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