He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize