We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
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Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
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I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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