I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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