i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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