Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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