I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
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I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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