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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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