I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
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