I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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