he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize