I want you more than these girls want KFC
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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