im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
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We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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