My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
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Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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