I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
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Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
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You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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