I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize