explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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